i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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