Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
