Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
