Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
