I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
