Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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