I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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