You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
