Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
