i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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