my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
