his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
