is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
