like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
