New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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