There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
