Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
