I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
