Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
