bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
