You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
