It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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