my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
