Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize