we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
