Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
