Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
