Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
