I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
