You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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