My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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