Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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