Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im holly from the hills drunk
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
