Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
