Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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