Quick, to the slutcave!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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