A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
