Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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