Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
