so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
