that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
