youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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