is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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