Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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