Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
