Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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