Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
