He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
