Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
