if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
