im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
