she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
