Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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