i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
