please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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