It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
