a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
