New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
