i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize