Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How external is "for external use only"?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
