booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
