I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
