I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
3 2 1 whiskey
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
