somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
