Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
