Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
