Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
