she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
