I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
