it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
