I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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