My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
