please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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