"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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