no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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