You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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