I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
