I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
