its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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