you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
