Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Girls should come with a carfax report
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
