they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
