it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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