Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
