Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
