Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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