cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Barsexuality is the new black.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
