then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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