He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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