you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
