Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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