She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
