My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
