We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
