can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
