"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
