The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
