Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
