I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
