It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
