so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
