she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
