OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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