I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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