Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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