so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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