Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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