Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
