I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
