dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
