Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
