is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
