I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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