New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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