I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
