i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
