I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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