i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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