What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
